Eagle exacts revenge on Chinese men seeking hemorrhoid cure

Our weekly Mishmash of three hilarious stories from the global press

Jack Rodolico By Jack Rodolico

The news is too serious. At this point in the week you have probably overdosed on the election, the spin, the epic tales of economic stagnation and ballooning debt. Isn’t it time to just shut your mind off and read a good story? Well, here are three: it’s the Mishmash, our weekly collection of the oddest stories the global press has to offer.

This story has it all…revenge…an angry eagle…hemorrhoids

A hunting golden eagle attacks a cameraman during an annual hunting competition in Chengelsy Gorge on the steppes of eastern Kazakhstan. (Reuters/Shamil Zhumatov)

In what locals see as a revenge plot, a golden eagle has, on multiple occasions, attacked two men in Mulin country, Heilongjiang province, China. The men claimed they ate a golden eagle two years ago, and that another golden eagle now harasses them, China Daily reports.

This week Yang was attacked for 20 minutes, then rushed into a police car, which the eagle continued chase for 700 meters. He had previously been attacked in 2011. Both times, he was badly gashed about the face, neck and arms.

His friend Wu has also been attacked  a few times since dining on eagle, once receiving 40 stitches. He moved away from the village to avoid the stalking bird of prey.

According to the report, Yang said they had stolen a young golden eagle from its nest and ate it in August 2010, because they heard that eating golden eagles could cure hemorrhoids. Villagers say the golden eagle is seeking revenge.

The italics are mine.

It’s hard to say if this report is accurate, but one thing is clear: Golden eagles are no joke. They are massive, powerful and pretty much fearless. Mongolian and Chinese hunters have used them for hundreds of years to hunt wolves, as you can see in the video below.

Who invited him?

In 2001, in Cameroon, a family arrived at a hospital morgue to identify a body. A family dispute ensued as to whether or not it was the body of their loved one, Alo’o Mve. Over a decade later, the body, still unidentified, remains in the morgue.

The story comes from the Cameroon Tribune, but is translated from French to English at AllAfrica.

On December 12 2001, the family of Alo’o Mve was present at the mortuary for the corpse removal. However, a majority of the family claimed that the corpse presented to them was not that of Alo’o Mve. However, a minority in the family supported that the corpse presented was that of Alo’o Mve. A family dispute ensued.

From there, investigators from the Judicial Police, the National Gendarmerie and the State Council tried to unravel the pieces. The best guess is Alo’o Mve was inhumed as an unidentified body, accidentally, back in 2001. Still, no one knows whose body remains in the cold morgue.

The director of the hospital is has reached out to the Minister of Public Health “for directives on how to solve the embarrassing palaver.”

Did he just do what I think he did?

Do you remember when Rep. Joe Wilson yelled “You lie!” during President Obama’s 2009 State of the Union address? Wilson actually yelled it twice, pointing excitedly at the president both times — a gesture seen as uncouth, at best.

Well, Joe Wilson should have a beer with Geoff Shaw to drown his sorrows. During a session of the state parliament of Victoria, the Australian MP yelled “Wanker!” while making the universal symbol for male masturbation.

But Shaw’s indiscretion isn’t as clear as Wilson’s. In a video released this week, some, though not many, think Shaw is telling the truth when he says he was simply pointing at another MP — pointing repeatedly, that is, and jerkily. It’s also not clear if Shaw said “wanker” or “whacker,” Australian slang for crazy.

Now, in a display of lunacy that will make any American feel better about the state of our dysfunctional political system, a debate ensues within the Australian Parliament: did Shaw point at an MP and call him a “wacker,” or did he make an obscene gesture and call the MP a “wanker”?

Victoria State Premier Ted Baillieu calls the footage “inconclusive,” though few agree with him. After the video was released to reporters and the public, the consensus is the gesture was indeed crass. As for what he said?

“You don’t say the word ‘whackers’ when you’re making that hand gesture,” said Deputy Opposition Leader James Merlino, who claims he watched the footage 20 times. “I saw the hand gesture and I heard the word.”

The Sydney Morning Herald also quotes former premier Jeff Kennett, who calls Shaw an “absolute goose” if he did lie about the incident.